Baby's First Break-in

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DSI would like to report its first break-in. May there be no callbacks. Two weeks before the DSI Comedy Theater was set to open its doors, Officer Champion from the Carrboro Police Department called owner Zach Ward to the scene of a ridiculous crime. A cinder block had been tossed through the glass door of the business, leaving a glass trail. The super-villain came in and slammed an unlocked cash register onto the ground, destroying it to retrieve its contents: a goldmine of $17. The theater hadn't even opened yet, and word to the street, no cash will be kept on the premises when we do open. However, it was not just the $17 in cash that was taken; no, no, no. A Comedy Theater super-villain would not be complete unless they left with 3 single packs of starburst and two fresh cans of AXE body spray. AXE body spray, yeah that's right, AXE body spray!!! Dear reader of this "breaking" news, if you spot someone walking the streets of North Carolina with less than $17, pockets overflowing with leftover lemon starburst, smelling like Tsunami or VooDoo, you may have our ridiculous super-villain.